NEWNESS

I have found a newness in myself. It is a hard thing to describe and even to talk about but I am feeling it so much lately that I can't keep it in anymore. I have discovered more lately that if something keeps you coming back to it and it is unshakeable that it is probably something you should just face, head on. Good or bad. My newness is good. It's like i was in a fog for a while there. Just waking up, making it through the day and going to sleep. I had forgotten myself. What a crazy and sad thing to realize and be able to say out loud. I FORGOT MYSELF. What a strange way to live. I have discovered myself again and I am still discovering more and more of me. What it's like to LIVE and not just get by. It's pure and lovely to realize that you are back. Maybe even if you feel so far gone, overwhelmed, stressed, whatever it may be that one day you will awaken. I am feeling happy, creative, loved, whole, and I feel like for the first time in my life I have made up my mind to take a direction and it feels so good. I want to keep going and I want to push the envelope that held me so tight. Why not? Everyone should. So excited for what's to come and what has came already. I know life isn't perfect. I still have to realize that almost on a daily basis but I am finding I am more okay with the messiness of it. I realize that shit happens and it's how you deal with it that matters most of all. This has probably been one of the hardest weeks in terms of health and well being physically (getting knocked out snowboarding, having Lucy the spastastic dog shove me down our entire flight of stairs, laying at the bottom on the concrete, bleeding and bawling alone because Avi was out of town and on top of that catching a chest cold) but for some reason mentally and in my soul, discovery. I was so off but so on at the same time. I hope to continue on the path I am on. Love to all.